A eulogy for the Vienna Taco Bell

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Abbey Gastrock, Staff Reporter

After months of controversy over whether our favorite Mexican restaurant would be replaced by yet another Starbucks, the time has finally come to say goodbye. The Taco Bell on Maple Avenue has officially closed and is set to become a drive-thru Starbucks. I have been confused since April, a.k.a. the beginning of the end, when the proposal first surfaced. I couldn’t comprehend the need for three Starbucks all within five miles of each other, but after struggling through the five stages of grief I have come to accept that sometimes the world just isn’t a good place. That can be the only explanation for this absolute tragedy.

Driving that extra 5-10 minutes (depending on traffic) to the Tyson’s Taco Bell is very burdensome especially when you’re craving a late night snack. How are the minors of Vienna expected to get all the way out to Tyson’s and back home by the twelve o’clock driving curfew? It is simply not possible, meaning those who attempt the challenge will be breaking the law. Which inevitably brings up the question: does Starbucks want unsuspecting teens to break the law? The evidence clearly points to yes.

Sure, there are many other restaurants with good food, but where can we find the same affordability? Of course I love a good 20-piece nugget from McDonald’s or a Frosty from Wendy’s, but they can’t fulfill my recurring craving for three beautifully crunchy Taco Bell tacos.

Vienna residents share in my confusion and despair with a large backlash on social media, with some students reacting aggressively. However, we all join in sharing our fond memories of the restaurant.

“The amount of times that I have engorged upon cheesy roll-ups is incomprehensible to the average human brain,” an anonymous Madison student said.

The Vienna Taco Bell has been a central spot for my friends and me for years. It’s our go-to spot on a late night, or even that one time at ten in the morning, for good food and a good atmosphere. I have made some of my best memories in the Taco Bell parking lot, like that one time when I accidentally took a bite of my friend’s Doritos Locos taco and she threatened to actually end my life.

Is it dramatic and slightly aggressive to say that this situation, which I am officially deeming “Taco Death,” has ruined my life? Yes, it definitely is, yet here I am. To close out my remembrance of the Vienna Taco Bell, I would like to say two things. One: I want Taco Bell right now. Two: I fully forgive Taco Bell for giving my entire family food-poisoning when I was in the third grade.