As lights decorate every corner of Vienna this holiday season, it can be easy to ignore the lingering darkness that creeps into the festivity-filled months of November and December. Although these celebratory dates on the calendar are supposed to represent a time of joy, for many, the opposite is true. For students and families grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays serve as a painful reminder of the human-shaped hole in their lives.
Grieving is a tricky feeling; it never stays the same. There isn’t a singular experience that can encapsulate the entirety of missing a loved one, and there are no how-tos about dealing with grief. It’s different for every person, which makes it a uniquely difficult emotion to hold. The holiday season often brings out the depths of our sorrow because it simultaneously underlines the profoundness of our joy–joy that often feels incomplete during a season of mourning. That feeling of incompleteness, of emptiness, is what makes this season so difficult; how does one appreciate the glee of the holidays whilst still acknowledging their grief?
For many, experiencing long-term grief can feel shameful. As time continues to pass after the loss of a loved one, many are told that they need to keep moving forward. While it is important, moving forward does not mean forgetting, nor is it a straightforward practice. There are a variety of therapies and methods that professionals can recommend to help manage grief during the holiday season, and while they certainly have their benefits, they aren’t always practical during the business of the holiday season. However, there is one thing that every single person has the capability to do, one thing that ultimately helps heal the lingering grief: acknowledging it.
Although it may sound too cliche or simplistic, the fact of the matter is that feelings of mourning don’t just go away. The holidays will continue to serve as reminders of what is lost and can’t return, and so there is simply nothing else to do but sit in the feelings of sadness. No, that doesn’t mean lying in the dark and crying for hours on end (although if that helps, go ahead). Instead, it simply means getting to know the sad parts of the holidays. Sharing memories with friends and family, looking at old pictures and listening to that one Christmas carol a departed loved one really enjoyed–these are all ways of getting to know your grief.
Familiarize yourself with your feelings–whether that’s melancholy, nostalgia, joy, anger or any of the many other emotions that make up the complex idea of grief. Give yourself the room to breathe and allow your grief to flow through you; it’s just a piece of the holiday experience, not the entire thing. It may feel painful for a long time, and that is okay. Pain is part of the process; without it, there would be no growth.
